guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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