I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
