I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
