Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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