i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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