Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize