so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
