She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
