Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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