got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
