We need to rekindle our bromance
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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