I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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