wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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