i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
