Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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