If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Boobs are out for the taking
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
