good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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