We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
