and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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