All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
