I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
