Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
