Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
