K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
