i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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