I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
