college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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