Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
