Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
