woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
