I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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