It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
