Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
