Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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