covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My bed smells like the plague
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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