I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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