If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
