I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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