i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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