You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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