Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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