i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
