my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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