My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
