literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Terrible idea I love it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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