You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
