Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
