all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize