That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
