My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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