I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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