i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found puke in my bra..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
