I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
