My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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