everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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