Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
