dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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