upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
