I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
