"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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