I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
