It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
