I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
