new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
