Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
