I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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