I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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