Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
