she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
