Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm too high and old for this...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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